Monday, July 16, 2012

Miss my best friend

I think this says it all. I found this on Pinterest, and it was too good not to post. The link from Pinterest was . I don't like to post things unless I know where they come from -especially on here.

I really liked it, and it really hit home.

I don't really have a  lot to say right now. I don't have the time today. I notice my blog is getting a lot of hits through Stumble Upon. I quite enjoy Stumble Upon, but can't figure out what category my blog comes up in.

Oh well.

Until next time,

Tuesday, July 10, 2012


I think I should organize my thoughts before writing. I never do though. Sometimes I scribble short form thoughts on a piece of paper. In fact, I still have the one from the last entry in front of me. I should throw that out.

For lack of a better title, this one is called 100 -because it's my 100th entry since I started this blog many years ago. I've been on and off ever since. Mostly on for the past few months. We all know why. (unless you just stumbled upon this blog entry.) I'm sure I'll get to 200 in no time. (haha... maybe?)

My trip to Whitecourt was as I expected... an emotional effing roller coaster. I was up and down. I'm  hoping I appeared to be mostly up because I was. That was the plan -don't let anybody in. I know -great plan for sanity. The good news is, I'm essentially telling the whole world now (the whole world reads this right?), so I only bottled it up the weekend. Also, it's important to note that I was not a sad sap the entire weekend. I had a good time, I just had 'teary' moments. I was more up than down -which is the only way to live life.

Strange that my year anniversary in Saskatoon was spent in the place I left a year ago.

I decided to leave work 20 minutes early on Friday so I could get the rest of my things packed, and go to pick up my wedding/road trip date. I had just said good bye to a friend, and was packing up my purse when I got a text from Cameron's mom. She told me something about Karmen that made me smile, followed with news that Cameron's house had sold. I knew it was up for sale. When it happened, she told me how hard it was to do that final step. Even though she told me how she was feeling, I didn't get it. Until she sent me that text on Friday. Everything stopped for a moment, and it's all I could think about. Cameron's house isn't his anymore because he's not coming back.

So, I quickly said goodbye to everyone else, and headed out because I knew I was going to cry. Luckily I had my huge sunglasses on to hide it from the world. I'm actually not sure when the last time was that I just let myself cry about what I've lost. I know it's good to cry, but sometimes, I'd rather smile and continue on. Fake it. So I got as much out as I had time for, and went to pick up my date.

Sometimes, I feel like I'd like to tell him how I'm feeling. There were so many times on the weekend, that I just wanted to let somebody (him) in. The moment never seemed right. I didn't tell him I was sad about the house selling, and I didn't tell him when we passed the spot Cameron's accident happened -either time. That highway stresses me out. It makes me sad and scared and confused about how it all happened. It makes me angry as well. That's a lot of emotions to have while driving. Probably things I should have said out loud.

Either way, I made it. I gave him the tour of Whitecourt, including the sold blue house. The wedding was a nice and happy event, and as usually it was lovely to see old co-workers and friends. (the ones I hadn't deleted of facebook -that was awkward). I had one emotional moment at the reception, but it was fine. I was fine. That's what I do... I get through it.

It was nice to visit the town, and see it through somebody else's eyes. I took him to all the important spots -my favourite restaurants, the river, my condo, the wedding spots, all my past jobs, and the strip club... all very important to see while in Whitecourt. The only thing we missed out on was a walk on the trails and a tube down the river, but there was really no time at all for that.

That's done. Now I'm trying to get back on track with my eating well and exercising. So far, I've had something to do on Monday and today, so have not made it to the gym. It's on the list. Along with work on my novel.

In other news Taste of Saskatchewan is on this week, and it makes me love this town. The weekend break from Saskatoon mixed with all the fabulous summer events are what I needed. Although I wouldn't mind another break to someplace new. It's on the list as well.

Okay. Gotta go.

Thursday, July 05, 2012


I'm getting that feeling. The restless feeling. I'm sorry to any friends from Saskatoon reading this because usually when I get this feeling, I start looking at other places. I can actually guarantee that's not going to happen any time soon -unless I win the lottery. I heard you have to buy tickets to win the lottery, so I'm out.

I'm trying to make Saskatoon my home, but at times I just have the urge to get out and see what's left in the world. I'm flighty. It may or may not be a good quality. It's probably because I'm coming up on my year anniversary here. It's freaking me out. I love it. I love my family and friends being close, I love my job... I just feel like I'm missing out on everything else. It used to be, when I felt like this, I would just plan a trip somewhere... but I'm trying to dig myself out of debt (I will not be speaking about this other than the 'I'm broke whining'), and vacations don't help with that. I felt this in Whitecourt, but it was different. I over-stayed my welcome in a town I didn't enjoy. I was there too long, and it was my own fault I didn't leave.

Long story short, this feeling isn't anything new, it's just something I'm feeling right now. I'm very much looking forward to any sort of trip out of Saskatoon, just for something new. I went to Biggar, Saskatchewan with my family yesterday, and loved driving on the highway, and hanging out at the small town pizza place.

Now, speaking of my year anniversary, I'd really like this next year to be full of fun, and not full of drama... in fact, that's my one goal right now. More smiling and laughing, less worrying. Less roller coaster of emotions would be freaking fantastic.

I'm headed to Whitecourt this weekend -actually tomorrow night. Unlike last time, when I went up with my mom, I am feeling no stress at all, and quite calm about it. It helps that I was reminded last time of all the things I enjoyed while there, and I'm also going up for a wedding. Wedding's aren't sad events. I'm going up with a certain somebody who I am not willing to speak about on this blog yet. I am excited to make the trip with him, and share the beauty of Whitecourt with somebody. Also nice to have somebody to dance with at the wedding (until he discovers what a bad dancer I am.) It will be nice to spend time with him and my old co-workers from the radio station. All in all, it should be a great weekend, I just need to find time to see everybody who won't be at the wedding.

Also, getting out of town may help with the 'restlessness'. Even if it's back to the place I left a year ago.

Tuesday, July 03, 2012

Tooth ache/Heart Aches

I just found a wonderful quote from Anne of Avonlea by L.M. Montgomery. I'll write it, and then go on to the normal stuff... life.
"But Anne, a broken heart in real life isn't as dreadful as it is in books. It's a good deal like a bad tooth...though you won't think that a very romantic simile. It takes spells of aching and gives you a sleepless night now and then, but between times it lets you enjoy life and dreams and echoes and peanut candy as if there were nothing the matter with it."

I just found it interesting. I could probably quote L.M. Montgomery all day long. She's brilliant.

Will write more later.