Mother's Day was this past Sunday. If I was in the gratitude mode, I would love what I have, and appreciate the fact that I am who I am because of my mother. (I am who I am because of myself as well, but you know what I mean). I truly believe parents are huge influences in what their children become. It's not always the case, but it is in my situation. I've ALWAYS had the support of both my parents, and my mom is quite possibly the best person I know. I will aspire to be as good of a mom as she is to my sister and I. (if the chance comes).
That being said, sometimes I forget the gratitude bit, and I wallow. The reason I wallow is the same reason I started this blog. Unfortunately, the list has grown. The number one reason is because I'm not a mother. I want to be. Some day. It feels like the chance is getting farther and farther from me. This day makes me think of my grandmothers. One passed away the month before Mother's Day, the same year as the miscarriage. If you've read this, you know, but it's still hard. My other grandma is in a nursing home, and has been very up and down this year. She's my mom's mom... she shaped my mom. Something else, that I'm sure will be obvious. Those moms who have lost children. I can't even begin to imagine what a hard day it was for Cameron's mom. She and her husband are wonderful and loving people, and I can't imagine what they are going through. What I've been through -does not compare.
So, I was having an "I'm feeling sorry for myself" day. I try not to do that very often, but it does happen. I went to sit by the river with a book and my journal. It was a beautiful day. (Beautiful enough to give me a sunburn). Everybody was out. Families, kids, couples, singles. I got myself a hot dog (I couldn't resist), and sat down to call my mom. After hanging up, I was still feeling down, and this guy came and asked if he could sit on my bench. (That's right... I called it 'my bench'.) I said yes thinking he was just going to sit, and I'd put my headphones on and continue my moping. Instead, he talked to me. He asked me about the hot dog I was eating. (PS, not that comfortable eating in front of strangers at all, never mind a hot dog )... He asked me about my life, what I did, history in Saskatoon, what's fun to do here... He just moved here, and wanted to learn more about it.
I don't remember being annoyed. I may have been a bit at the beginning, but I enjoyed talking to him. I also enjoyed getting out of my head. He didn't realise the impact he made on my day. We talked for about an hour, and then he gave me his phone number so we could go roller blading together (I don't own roller blades). I took it, and he went off to enjoy the day. At no point did he hit on me, or say anything inappropriate. He just wanted to talk, and maybe thought I did as well. It's the 'old school' way of meeting people, before the silly Internet. I guess it just goes to show that the people on the dating sites (myself included), say they don't know how to meet people, but maybe they just don't try very hard.
I don't think I'll text him. That's not really important. What's important is that for a moment, I stopped feeling sorry for myself, and my day immediately got better. Sometimes I feel like I should give myself moments to feel sorry for myself, and feel sad, but then I realise how much better it feels to be happy.
That's it. Strangers. They're good.
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