Stress

Maybe it's just the before Christmas stress, but I'm totally feeling stressed out about absolutely everything. I'm not good with stress. I'm good with let things happen as they may -which isn't always the best way to be. I need to figure out the things I'm stressed about, and fix them. Stress does not make a person happy, and I would rather be happy than anything. I know people aren't happy all the time, every day, and frankly I am creeped out by the people who pretend to be. Some people like to be 'comfortably numb' -I love to feel things. I just want to feel them, and move on. Somehow and sometime.

However, feeling things and feeling stress are two completely different things.

I guess that's something else to add to my goals for the New Year. Deal with my stress, and fix what's causing it. I'm not going to write about all my stresses in here because as honest as I've been, I realise that it's not just my friends who are reading this, and don't need to air un-needed problems for all to read. I started this speaking about miscarriage because I felt like it was a topic mostly ignored. That doesn't mean I want to talk about every single detail of my life. Mostly because I think that would be even more boring that it is now.

And that seems like a good place to end this. Time to take a trip to my real journal -it's neglected lately.

Have a good night.

The New Year

I kind of get the whole age thing in South Korea. When I was there, I found out that they celebrated birthdays a bit different than the Western part of the world -or any part of the world as far as I can tell. I guess they still had normal birthdays but they aged differently. Everyone turned a year older in January. January 1st. I don't know enough about all the celebrations. They do have a Korean New Year as well though. They also celebrate the New Year on January 1st, and that's when everybody turns a year older. They are actually 1 when they are born, and even if they're born December, they'll turn 2 on January 1st. If I'm getting this wrong, please correct me. I remember my students telling me I was older than I was after New Year.

What I'm getting at is I understand why I'd want it this way. I'm not at all sure why they have chosen to do it this way. I just tried to google it, but didn't get an answer that satisfied me. I didn't spend as much time as I could have. For some reason, it just seems like when you turn a year older, and New Year are the time in your life when you 'vow' to make all your changes (or resolutions). So Why not make the changes New Year's day -the same day you're a year older. It's like a clean slate every year. A new age, and a new chance at changes.

In other words: I'm very much looking forward to the New Year. I am looking forward to new goals, and new experiences. I'm not doing it now, I want to wait. It is good that I'm not aging earlier I guess, but the year that aged me, would certainly give me more initiative.

This entry doesn't seem to have made as much sense as it did in my head. I'm going to publish it either way. Maybe somebody will get what I'm trying to say. I kind of doubt it though because the more I tried to explain, the less I understood what I was talking about.

I'll be writing my goals in here. Slowly, one at a time before New Year. This doesn't mean they'll happen. It just means I know what I want to change in my life. It's what I will resolve to do. (I will resolve to make the goals... and TRY to do them).

E

Good news?

I just reread my last post. Turns out my decision has been made. My job has just been offered as a permanent job. So it looks like I'll only have to start over when I choose to. I guess that's been the case this whole time. While it scares me to finally have a decided future (if I choose to follow it), it's also going to be a new year of changes. Starting next year, I'm going to make changes to help me fall in love with life in Saskatoon even more.

I realise I could start now, but I guess I'm not very original with my timing. It's not even half way to December, and I want to start the new year with a clean slate. But I do not have time to do it all before Christmas. Plus changing my diet is on the list, and I will be having Christmas supper. As much of it as I'd like.

I don't really have much else to say. However, with all the changes I have for myself, I will continue writing, and I'm not waiting until the New Year to work on a life resolution. I've been writing more this whole year. I won't be stopping.

E