Friday, December 31, 2010

Resolutions for 2011

I'm am doing this even though Nehal strongly suggested not to... And I understand why, it's hard enough following through on resolutions when they are written in a journal, or just stated out loud, but I am writing it for all to see on my blog, so if I fail... everyone will know. That's why I'm going to keep them pretty simple with the knowledge that I may not be able to keep my resolutions. So here it goes:

1) I am going to read more. I spent my Christmas with my family, and was jealous while watching them read. I still read, but not like I could. I should be able to read much more books. I'm also going to keep track of what I read. I enjoy writing about what I read.

2) Spend less time on facebook, and less time watching television. Doing this will help me with reading more, and with the rest of my resolutions.

3) Obviously: write more. And not just blogging, but write more fiction, write more in my journal, write more letters and even emails. Any form of writing is important.

4) Take better care of my house. I'm lucky enough to live in a beautiful house, I should spend more time making it look beautiful.

5) More quality time with Karmen. In other words... walk my dog.

6) Learn how to budget my money. Pretty important, and it's something I should know by this age... but I don't, and it's actually one of my most important resolutions.

7) Lose weight -be healthy. This includes eating better, giving up fast food (with the once a month rule), and exercising.

8) Be happy with where I am in life, but keep working towards making it better.

9) Try new things. All the time.

9 is a strange number for resolutions, but that's all I am doing.



Sunday, December 05, 2010

The Need to Write

I find writing healing, and I see the changes when I don't write. This week has been tough. I didn't write, and I haven't been reading either. (which is just as important to me). I've felt a bit lost. I am scared of the feeling. I'm scared the depression is seeping back, and I don't want it to. I'm not having a great time with my job. It's affecting the way I am, and I need a way to fix this. I worked a lot this week, at both jobs. I work, and working is fine, it keeps me busy and keeps me happy. Well one job does -the other one makes me sad that at 30, that's where I am. Either way, they both make me busy. Being home and not busy is when I stop. I shut down. I hate leaving the house, and have missed out on things. I need to go grocery shopping, and I need to start Christmas shopping, and I NEEDED to buy Cam a birthday present, and I didn't get anything done. I went into the weekend fearing that maybe I hadn't fought off the depression as well as I had hoped.

I like where I am right now. I like the town, I love the boyfriend, I love my pets. We've made ourselves a home in this town. I wish I could get more of a sense of belonging though. I also wish that this town has more opportunities for me. I feel like I've wasted so much of my life going to school, and getting my education because it hasn't helped.

This seems like a wasted post. I hate writing them when I'm down because although most of my blogs aren't the happiest because of the past, I want them to also be encouraging. I want to write them with the sense that I am going places, and that things will improve. -Which they will, but not as quick as I'd like them.

I want to write period. I wish I had the self discipline to sit and finish all of the writings I've started in the past. I want to try to make it into a career somehow. That would be the ultimate dream.

I think it will be to exhausting to write about my grandmother. It will happen though. I need to head to bed. I am a fan of sleep, it seems like I need it.